Learning Year

Y'all!

It's been so long: a year since I have written anything. I am trying to think back to what I was doing, and it was everything and nothing. Intentionality went out the window this year, because I was just trying to keep my head above water. I existed. The nicest thing I could say is that 2019 was a learning year. I learned all kinds of things, like:

1. Not everyone is going to like me. Not even if I am good. Not even if I bend over backwards trying to prove how good I am. Apparently, this is the lesson of my life that I have to relearn and relearn until I finally let go of other people's perceptions and embrace myself. Brené Brown says, "our sense of belonging can never be greater than our sense of self-acceptance." Yikes. That's a toughy.

2. I am a hell of a worker. I can work and work and work forever, until I have weird freak out meltdown that reinforces the perceptions of the people that weren't going to like me anyway(see above). Busy has been my mantra and my motto and my mission statement and my core value and all the other things for a number of decades now, and I am kind of over it. I need to find a space where I can just be. ***Somebody remind me of this when I am saying "yes" to whatever I have been asked to do. Of course, there are things I want to do, I just can't do them all.***

3. I can't save anybody. I want to save everybody, but I am neither equipped to save them, nor is it my job. But I want to save them sooooo badly. If only everyone would listen to my sage advice all the time. GEEZ.

4. I have reached the point that I am old when it comes to technology. I will not be the TikTok dancing mom. Snapchat has left me behind. I will Instagram until my fingers bleed, and Words with Friends is my part-time job, but learning new things is hard. I am always going to be about 6 months-a year behind and I am the butt of my children's jokes, which is, I suppose, an appropriate role for me(and I am still going to play the victim when they tease me, because I enjoy torturing them in small ways, not just big ones).

5. Creativity enhances my life. Nothing I make is really excellent(e.g., this blog post), but the joy is in the practice, not the result. Ok, sometimes it is about the result and if I let my perfectionism get involved, it's all about the thing I have created. The lesson I really tried to learn this year is to let go of the power of the thing, and enjoy the practice. Really, really tried to learn that lesson, and still really concerned with the results, if I'm honest. So, like relearning that not everyone will like me, also relearning that practicing is the goal, and perfection is not the end game. THE HARDEST LESSON.

What was your learning from 2019? Did you have a good year? Send me your wisest thoughts and practices. I need them.

Love,
Corks

PS I missed you guys. I am going to try to write to you more often.