The eyes have it.

Dear friends,

My littlest daughter just walked up to me with the wide eyes and the half-smile that scream, "I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!" She had a coloring book pressed up against her tummy--hiding the picture--and she slowly turned it around to reveal a picture of a tiara(of course, it's a princess coloring book)that she had very carefully colored inside the lines. It was beautiful. She came back a few minutes later, same half-smile, same excited eyes, to show me a horse that was colored equally well. These are the parenting moments I live for because the path is clear: acknowledge the work that's gone into it, admire the color choices, hug the child, tell her I'm proud and the payoff is the aura of contentment and pleasure that surrounds us both. There are so many of these moments in early childhood. Achievement is a constant for most children and we are so achievement-focused when they are little: You talked! You walked! You went pee in the potty! You colored in the lines!

As children grow, the achievements stop coming so fast and furious, and they aren't so obvious. You dressed yourself(again). You walked into school by yourself(like normal). You washed your hands after you went to the bathroom (thank goodness). There are those major achievements we celebrate: soccer championships, music recitals, all A's. But I miss those shy half-smiles from my big kids. They are so soon replaced by the eyeroll of contempt and the angry stomp out of the room. Shouldn't I consider those developmental milestones, as well? Why aren't I brimming with pride at the backtalk and the bad attitude--these tweens and teens are doing what they are supposed to do! They are developing separate identities and learning to make big choices and becoming fully functioning human beings and that is the scariest truth of all. Having kids in their twenties who take care of themselves and don't really need me, unless they REALLY need me, is sooooo hard. How do I know when to be cool and when to butt in? With tweens and teens, it's the same. I know I need to give them some space, but how much? And when? What if they fail? Do I let them fail? Do I intercede? So far, I feel like I've made enough mistakes to know that I'm going to make more mistakes and that's the only assurance I have.

How do I move on then, knowing that my foundation is failure? I thank God that children are resilient and that my few successes are weightier than the many failures. I pray that their sad memories fade and their happy memories linger and hope that they know I acted like a crazy person most of the time because I love them so much (and also because I am crazy). I hope they understand that making huge mistakes is part of being human and even if they make a misstep, I'm still here, because making mistakes is the currency I trade in. And please know that if you see me staring far off into space with watery eyes and a sort-of smile, it's because I'm thinking "I AM SO PROUD OF MY CHILDREN!"

While I was typing, my small sweetness delved further into the art supplies, and brought me a treasure.

Who doesn't love a googly eye?

Love,

Corks